Biblical Conflict Resolution

The Bible is the ultimate love story. Jesus often talked about love. Loving God and loving each other. But what happens when our human love fails, or our understanding is limited, and we have disagreements?

Let’s dive into the topic of disagreements and hurt in the church and see what Jesus teaches us to do when we run into it. In Matthew 18 Jesus lays out the plan for handling and correcting each other when we are wrong. He tells us that we are to go to the offender privately first, then if need be escalate it to bringing trusted friends in, and as a last resort take our issues to the church to handle. Following God’s design for handling difficulties and disagreements will lead to a unified and loving body.

The first line of the verse in chapter 18 says “If another believer sins against you.” So first off when it comes to handling an offense, we need to ask if this person’s offense is even against us. We aren’t to be correcting other believers for every offense, slight, or sin. Only the ones that are against us.

The second part of that verse is that before we do or say anything we are to go directly to the person who we have issues with and try to work it out with them directly. At this point, there is no need to get anyone else involved, a simple chat over tea should do. If your brother or sister confesses and repents then this is where the conflict ends.

We always hope that conflict resolution can be that easy, but I know that it is not always that simple and so did Jesus, which is why He went on to say that if you could not get through to your fellow believer directly to bring in trusted Christians to help you speak once more to your offender.

This should not be a time to gang up on your offender or to pass judgment. Jesus also tells us not to judge and that the measure for which we hand out judgment will be the same measure that we are judged by. This is a time to try and talk out the disagreement or hurt. A time when others can share their insights to help reconcile the relationship.

The last resort if the two separate attempts to reconcile have been unsuccessful is to get church leadership involved. This is where our wonderful pastors and church staff can come in and add direction and guidance when hurt or disagreement is sharp.

Jesus tells us below this verse that what decision the church and other believers come up with is the decision He will honor if it follows biblical standards. God wants us to use our talents and minds to solve our problems. He has given great responsibility to the church and to us, as individuals, to keep unity in our communities.

These verses in Matthew remind us that when it comes to correcting other believers there are some guidelines, we need to follow to ensure we are following Jesus’ instructions. We need to make sure we are only correcting those who have sinned against us personally. When confronting those who have sinned against us, we must first go to them personally, before bringing in confidential and trusted friends to help mediate and resolve the problems between two people. The last resort in biblical conflict resolution is to involve the church leadership. What they decide we should honor because God honors the decision of the Church.

Here are some thoughts to ponder, feel free to share your answers in the comments below:

• Are there people you need to make amends with? Jesus Tells us that if we are worshiping him and remember we have offense with another we should leave our sacrifice and make amends before coming back to the altar to worship (Matthew).

• If you must bring other believers into a conflict, who are two people you can trust to help you work toward unity and Biblical conflict resolution?

• Is there any disagreement you need to resolve or just let go and forgive?

• Bookmark (or highlight, write down, etc.) this verse and come back to it anytime you have a conflict with another believer. Make an effort to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19) in your daily life, especially in conflict.